Sunday, October 12, 2008
The Empty Mirror
God, it is official, I looked in the mirror and the person looking back was not me - there was just a vapor trail of particles left behind as my soul departed. I blinked again and there was a face in the mirror but it was not my face. In the brief period since the diagnosis, my face has become swollen and puffy and my nose is an entirely different shape - Lyn verified this last night when we went to the movies. Yes, after all these years, I have finally achieved the Hayley Mills look. My formerly very straight nose is now a cute, turned up version of a nose. Great on Pollyanna, on me, not so much. And there are so many black heads on the skin of my nose - I wash my face every day but I cannot scrub there the way I used to, it hurts too much. I don't look like me. And you know what, I guess I actually had grown accustomed to my own face after all these years. I only hope the treatments will make me look like myself again.
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For a few years after they rerouted the veins in my right hand, I kept catching glimpses of my fingers - long elegant things that now looked more like spiders' legs to me.
After thirty years, I don't really remember what they used to look like, or what about the factory originals I actually missed. A few random photos of me from before the accident have shown up recently, and you know what? I look at my hands in those, and THEY are the hands that no longer look familiar.
That said, you probably will see a substantial reversion to the original shape of your nose, once things in there settle down.
And by the way, oh Madame Cheekbones, you are still effin' gawjuss.
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